What a difference the planning is with a normal pregnancy and one like what we are dealing with. When I had my other children, I had at least half their wardrobe, crib set and baby stuff picked out or bought after finding out their sex. I want to pick out bedding for Gracelynn. I want to figure out what scripture or saying I will get to put over her crib. I want to start buying those sweet newborn gowns. What I wouldn't give to buy her a sweet little pettiromper off etsy. Why aren't I buying all these things for her? Because they would be HER things and if something happens to her, they will remain HER things and they will be kept by me forever. It not that I wouldn't want things to remember her by, it's just that I am not sure I could deal with keeping a whole bunch of clothes, bedding and baby stuff of hers. I have read that most parents in our situation, go and buy just a few really nice pieces to have in case she does pass away and then if she doesn't we would have those special pieces for her when she arrives. I am considering buying a sweet outfit and blanket in the next couple weeks for Grace. Maybe having them embroidered.
So what are we planning, if we aren't planning the fun stuff? This past week we have been deciding what we will do if Gracelynn doesn't make it We have decided that we will have her cremated and hold onto her ashes. I plan on getting cremated myself, so I feel fairly comfortable choosing that for her. But mostly it is because I would want any of our children to be buried next to James and I. We aren't in the position to buy multiple plots at this time, so burying her wouldn't work. Then there is the worry about how will we afford it? We are struggling already, but I have read that there are programs out there to help parents who lose their children. So these are the kind of decisions we are making at this time. I just don't want to be blindsided if she does pass away like they say she will. I want James and I to be united on these decisions now to alleviate the pain or stress later. It's just not fair. It's really not. Sometimes I feel like I can't handle having to think about this stuff. I knew it was in our future when we decided we just couldn't terminate any pregnancy, lethal genetic condition or not. I just didn't realize it would hurt so badly. I didn't realize the days would just drag on.
Hey, I'm a MJ buddy. Brandy Wade shared your blog w me. Praying for your sweet girl as well as your family. Stay strong girl!!!
ReplyDeleteLittle Miss Gracelynn has the best mommy. Every child should be so lucky. I am sure she feels your love, Mama.
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