Wednesday, December 28, 2011

What I got for Christmas

This is the note I posted on Facebook to announce my pregnancy.  I posted it on Christmas day. 

Merry Christmas to All!!

     James and I are proud to announce that we will be welcoming our second son and fourth living child in May.  This announcement was a long time coming, of course.  Mostly because I have been excited for some time to share my testimony.  Here is our story:
     This past September you might recall me posting a status update about a whole swarm of dragonflies I walked out and found in front of my house.  That was September 10th, the same day as Caleb's birthday party.  It was an amazing sight to see and one I doubt I will ever be priviledged to witness again.  Twenty or more dragonflies just zipping right by me and around me.  It was amazing.  It was puzzling.  I wondered what they meant for a few days until I stumbled upon an etsy listing for a sculptural piece.  It was a baby with angel wings holding a dragonfly in it's hands with the caption underneath that said, "Go tell Mommy, I'm okay."  This really got to me.  I wondered if those dragonflies were sent from Gracelynn. Ultimately I decided I had been sent a sign from Heaven.  Though my pain is still immense for our loss of Grace and some days I feel like the wind has been permanately knocked out of me, I am happy knowing she is okay.  I also decided then that maybe I wasn't as insignificant as I thought I was.  Perhaps the Burke family is most important to God right now as we heal for our loss.  Maybe we were always so significant to God, we just didn't see it.

     There are many times in life that we feel so small.  We feel like God is there, but we just wonder if He is listening and willing to answer our prayers.  I have to admit that I felt pretty alone and hurt when we got Gracelynn's diagnosis in June.  There were days I couldn't help but fall to the ground and just weep at what was certain to happen though I had as much hope as I possibly could that she would fight through her heart problems.  It wasn't until I started to see things from a different point of view that I learned what it means to just have Faith.

     So on September 23rd, I took my first hpt and it was negative.  We had just tried that first cycle after having Gracelynn and expected nothing.  In the past, the more I've stressed to concieve the harder it was.  I had this feeling though, that God would work quickly to send me another son or daughter to help heal my heart and to fill my empty womb.  I tested on the 24th and got a positive.  Immediately I started inputing dates into the various websites.  (I am a dork) I needed to confirm my conception date and to know my due date.  I put in, just for fun, a conception date of the 10th (the day Grace sent the dragonflies) and came up with September 24th being the first day to get a positive.  I know this baby was given life on the 10th for many reasons that are concrete (and tmi, lol), but also because I have the faith and the belief that this was how it was all supposed to work out.
     I really can't describe how it feels to know without a doubt that you have an angel watching out for you.  It seems to me that maybe we are all sent these signs and are all given the opportunity to put any doubts we may have to rest.  I know that God is watching over me.  I know that I am important and significant to Him.  I know that I have an angel in Heaven waiting to be reunited with her family one day.
     I wanted to share this message and this news on Christmas because I felt like if there was ever a time to remind people that there is so much more to this world than what we are doing in our everyday lives, this was it.  There are miracles all around us and we are all special enough to witness them if only we stopped and opened our hearts and our eyes.
     So we are having a sweet baby boy in late May.  He is healthy and doing well.  We are so very blessed and excited to add to our family.  There is nothing more important to us than the legacy we will leave to this earth.  We believe our legacy will be raising our imperfect children to grow up and honor God, do good everyday and stand up for what's right.  There is no amount of wealth or status that could equal that.  If you've made it this far, Thank you!!  =)

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