Gracelynn's Due Date

Gracelynn had a few different due dates.  The 22nd, the 20th and towards the end the 19th.  I went with the 20th, but does it really matter.  She should be here right now.  She should be in my arms or at least here getting the medical care she would have needed.  I have to wonder if I would have been emotionally ready to handle open heart surgery on a newborn.  Part of me is thankful that she didn't have to go through all the surgeries she would have surely needed.  The mother part of me is just angry and frustrated that the rest of my life will be spent without her.  I want her and need her so badly.  I usually have to remind myself that this was His plan and He knew best. 

I woke up today and got on the computer to catch up.  I hadn't been on in several days.  I came across one article after another discussing the Duggar Family sharing pictures of their daughter's hands and feet at the memorial service.  Articles say those who attended the memorial were shocked when they were handed a card that had a picture of someone's hands holding the baby's feet and the saying next to it said no foot is too small to leave a footprint on this world.  Or something to that affect.  I can't pull it back up now, because it's all too upsetting.  My heart goes out to the Duggars.  Michelle is now right where I was back in July.  Just a slightly different situation.  I can tell you that delivering a stillborn baby is tough, traumatic and scary.  I don't understand the mentality that taking a picture of a baby who has passed away before you ever got the opportunity to lay eyes on them is wrong.  It's not.  When you have a living child, you have plenty of time to build memories and hold onto things that will remind you of them long after they grow up.  When you give birth to a child that has passed away, those moments in the hospital afterwards are all you have.  There is no second chance to make memories or take pictures of that child who has passed away.  To me, you should have every right to do whatever you can to perserve that moment in your life.  To have a stillborn child, it isn't something shameful.  It happens to women of all ages, sizes, races, religions, condition of health and from the beginning of time.  Women have strugged with miscarriage, stillbirth and infant death since life was first created.  I just wish I could change the minds of those people who find pictures of our children who have passed away offensive.  If I could explain that it was all we have to hold onto and look back on.