Saturday, July 16, 2011
Having some Assurance
Here is what happened. On Monday night, a really bad storm came through. When I say bad, I mean like branches breaking off in the road, trash cans flying out in front of you and buckets of water pouring out of the sky. I picked the kiddos up from VBS and went to bring home one of Lily's friends that had went with her to church that night. I was driving north on Brandt and almost ran over (into) a small tree in my lane. I was able to get over without having an accident. I decided that I would just pull into McDonalds right there and pull the small tree out of the road to help others. It didn't look heavy at all. As I started to pull it up on the curb, I realized it was heavy and I would have really messed my car up if I had hit it. And then I realized how stupid it was for me to be pulling this heavy tree up. I've always been careful during my pregnancies, but I've been known to move small furniture around on my own. I immediately got really upset and mad at myself. This pregnancy is different than my others. This baby is fighting for her life. I told James what I had done as soon as I got home and he tried to reassure me that she was fine. The next day was nerve wracking and upsetting. I thought for sure she had passed or I had hurt her. I spent most of the day in a panic. I ended up getting pretty freaked out and told James he was either going out and buying me a doppler that evening or he was taking me to the hospital to see if they could find a heartbeat. He got online and ordered a fetal doppler that night. He paid extra for two day air, but it came on Wednesday in just under 16 hours. We heard her heartbeat immediately. 165pbm. I've been able to hear her heartbeat a few times a day since then. It's such an assurance. I can't even begin to describe how it feels to go about your day wondering if you are carrying a baby that has passed. I do feel her kicking, but it is random. I will be 18 weeks on Tuesday. I am relieved to be another week farther along, but until I get to 26 or 27 weeks, I won't feel any kind of relief.