Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Come Home

I am so sorry I haven't updated in awhile.  If anyone is still out there, reading this...Thank you.  I am having a hard time doing anything I did while I was pregnant with Gracelynn.  I feel like I have to keep moving.  Being online is hard, because I have to stop and think about things.  I can't get on, though it helped me so much during my pregnancy.  I can't read any more posts/blogs/stories about women struggling with their loss.  I feel like my own pain is all I can bear.  I just don't have the strength to cry for someone else right now...and I always do.  My heart goes out to women who have gone through what I have.  It's awful.  And the grief is overwhelming.  I find myself going back in my mind and wanting all those things to happen again during that week I had her.  I just want one more chance to be pregnant with her again, or even just to see her again or hold her again.  The more I get done everyday, the less chance I have to sit and wish I could go back in time and relax and know what the outcome was going to be and enjoy my time with her when she was alive.  Writing this blog is one of those things that just brings back the hurt....instead of healing it like I thought it would.  Maybe one day I will look back to this and be happy I wrote out what my time was like, those six weeks.  I'm not sure what is needing to be changed in me....but I'm going to pray for God to show me the way.  

Well.  I should update that we are still waiting for Gracelynn to come home.  It's been over 4 weeks since she passed and we had hoped to have her back with us at least a week ago.  I know they are doing all they can, but I'm getting impatient.  I have to wonder if that is what is making me so stressed out.  James and I both agree that we feel like someone from our family is missing and we can't be at peace until they are back with us.  We have her tiny little urn waiting for the funeral home to call us and say we can bring it in, so we can bring her home.  I took some pictures of her hand and footprints. I will work on getting those uploaded.  In the meantime, please say a prayer that Gracelynn comes home soon.  We need her with us.  Thank you!!   

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