Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Our Time with Grace
It's probably time to start talking about what our time with Grace was like. It might take me a few posts to complete this.
So we went into the hospital on the 25th at about 6or so in the evening. At 7pm, Dr Duke came in and inserted some kind of seaweed sticks into my cervix. She was able to do quite a few as I was already in labor. The goal of these sticks was to expand and open my cervix a bit to make it more viable for an induction the next day. It worked. They dropped out the next morning. In the mean time, I had a difficult time sleeping and relaxing. There was a lot of crying and reading scripture and just praying. I had an awesome nurse during the night. Her name was Thelma. =) It wasn't lost on me that her name was the same as my Aunt Re. (Thelma Marie, who meant the world to me) Thelma was very kind and said some things that really hit home and made me think God had sent her that night to me. Just a few days ago we got a sympathy card in the mail from her. I am grateful that I had a nurse like her that night. Although, I can't complain about any of the nurses I saw in the time I was there for Gracelynn's labor and delivery. MVH was very thoughtful and considerate to our situation. They put us at the end of a hall with few neighbors. Across from my room was another mom who had a loss. They put something on our doors so that any who enter know this isn't a joyous occasion they are walking into. That night, however, I could hear the baby and mother's heartbeats in the room right next to me. I gotta say, that was a bit difficult to relax to.
The next morning, Dr. Duke came in and inserted two cervitek capsules. They started working pretty quickly. I was in labor from 7 to 12. Just before 12, Dr Duke came back in and was going to give me my second dose. She said that after the second dose things start to go much quicker and I should be careful getting up to use the restroom. I commented that I think I am getting ready for something to take the edge off the pain and that the contractions were about a minute apart. Up to then I wouldn't take anything. I refused a sleeping pill and all the goodies they offer to make you more comfortable. I was still pregnant as far as I was concerned and Gracelynn didn't need any of those goodies. I guess that doesn't make sense. After hearing how close the contractions were, she thought it best to check me. She did and I was complete. I had gotten to ten and didn't complain until the end. So this is what natural labor feels like, eh?
So she said it's time to have her and I just needed to push. This is when things got pretty tough. I was more frightened than I have ever been in my life. I had no idea what this next moment was going to bring and what it would be like to deliver a stillborn child. I focused on James and pushed. She came right out, water breaking first. I cried like I've never cried in my life. Like, out of control sobbing. It was by far, the most difficult moment I have ever experienced in my life. There is no way to describe the emotional pain of delivering a stillborn child. My daughter, Gracelynn Mercy. I was able to deliver the placenta quickly and they left me and James with Grace. She wasn't at all what I pictured, but beautiful nonetheless. Her hands and feet were so tiny and so beautifully formed. Her cystic hygroma had just taken over the top of her body. It was difficult to see that. I could see her ears and her eyes. Her ears were low set, like most Turner Syndrome girls are. They were adorable. We had four hours to hold her and love her. They took her from me to weigh and measure her and to take her photo. She measured 6 inches and 4 ounces. So tiny, but my daughter. The pictures of her are too difficult to share, but I will share a picture of her hand and then us holding her.
I have to stop now, but I'll post more about our time with Grace later. Thank you so much for your prayers and kind words. We really appreciate it.